i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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