The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You are a genius and a whore.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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