he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
