Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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