I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize