Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
