your parents love me but you hate me
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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