i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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