he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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