my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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