Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
