sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
