let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
