I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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