I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
