Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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