What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
