I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
