Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
