So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I cockslap morals
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
