i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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