I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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