I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
