please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
