He felt like a one man threesome
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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