I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
