We got so high we made milksteak
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
