She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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