those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize