As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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