I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
