Your tits are I can't wait for
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
