I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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