I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Congratulations! We have a period
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
