It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize