well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
