dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
