when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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