So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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