dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
