he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
