Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
