trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
