you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
should my penis look like a turkey
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize