awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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