so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
