Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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