We got so high we made milksteak
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize