too bad you live with your parents still
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
