She said her name was "party"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
