Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
