chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize