She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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