Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
True strength comes from lack of pants
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
