After last night, I could never be a politician.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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