Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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