Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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