I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
