The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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