Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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