when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
