After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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