it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
