went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
