you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
