But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
