We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
