I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
