Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
