I can text with my tongue
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
