just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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