I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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