I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
