I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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